Living on Letters

Living on Letters

Brianna Merritt

8/16/12

Dear Liana,

I finally made it to Parris Island. I’m tired, hot and all I want to do is sleep. Nothing is scarier than the Sargents yelling at you to get off their damn bus. I stood on the yellow footprints yesterday and I could hardly believe I was doing it. So many brave people have stood there before me and it was just overwhelming to think that I would soon be joining them. I miss you all though. It’s so different, being away. I hope that everything is going well at home. Keep my mom and Derek company for me while I’m gone, okay?

Miss you,

Andrew

8/19/12

Dear Andrew,

I’m so glad to hear from you! And I’m extremely proud of you for wanting to do this. I know that you can. I hope they’re not being too hard on you but I know you can handle it. Stay safe, and come home soon, okay? Yeah, I know, it’s going be like three months before you can come home but you know what I mean. I promise I’ll keep your family company while you’re away. I miss you!

Love,

Liana

8/21/12

Dear Liana,

It’s definitely a lot harder than I thought. The PT (Physical Training) is tough. They’re definitely ruthless. I’m so sore, but as the Marines say, “Pain is just weakness leaving the body”, so I just gotta keep pushing through. What’s worse is that there’s not a good meal to look forward to. We pretty much live on M.R.E’s. That means Meal Ready to Eat. They aren’t very good, but they’re packed with 1,200 calories. So they basically keep us alive, and that’s it. We are also issued a canteen so we can have water. It’s so hot here, ridiculous. It really takes a lot out of you between the training and immense heat. Hopefully things are going well at home though. I haven’t heard from Mom yet, but I know she’s busy. Please help keep me updated on everything while I’m away? And let everyone else know what the address is so they can write too. The letters are a big part of what keep me going.

From,

Andrew

8/22/12

 Dear Andrew,

That sounds awful! I know you can do it, though. You’re a tough guy.  Do the meals at least have some sort of taste to them? Like, do they taste like food at all? I don’t think I could do it so I give you credit on that alone! Mom (she told me to just call her mom since we spend so much time together now that you’re not here) is doing fine; she said she sent you a letter, so hopefully you’ll get it very soon. Derek is fine too, though he is always telling me how much he misses his big brother. Sometimes, in the middle of playing, he’ll get up and run to me, crying. It makes me sad because I know he’s crying about you not being here, but I always tell him that you’ll be back. He says that he knows you’ll be back. I try my best to keep him occupied though, so he doesn’t get too sad. Otherwise, things are going alright here, though it’s not the same without you here to keep me company. I’m not used to not being able to call or see you every day. It’s alright; I know it’s not forever. I hope you’re still doing well. Oh, and I let all of our friends know the address so hopefully you’ll get even more letters! Stay safe and write soon.

Love,

Liana

8/30/12

Dear Liana,

The meals actually do have a taste, but not a good one. They come in a bunch of different flavors, but they are far from the real thing. I definitely would not recommend eating them if you don’t have to. You were right, I did get mom’s letter. Thanks for keeping me updated, just the same. It’s helpful when her letters don’t get here right away. Which, by the way, I’m sorry that there’s such a delay in my replies. If I’m not super exhausted and have free time, I get to write, but lately, that’s been less and less. I’ll still reply as soon as I can so don’t lose hope, alright? I haven’t forgotten about you.  Well, I have to be off. I’m going to need some sleep after the rough day we had. Hope to hear from you soon.

From,

Andrew

9/1/12

Dear Andrew,

Ew, those meals really do sound awful. I’m sorry that you have to eat that. Hopefully they’ll give you something good at some point. I’m glad you finally heard from your mom. I know she was so happy when she got your response letter the other day. I hope you don’t mind, but she made me read it because she said it mentioned me. I read it only to appease her. It was nice, though. At least I know you don’t say mean things about me, haha. I’m just kidding. But I am happy that you’re doing alright. Keep it up. It’ll be over before you know it. Then you’ll be a United States Marine! What an honor. Then, of course, I can say that I know a Marine. And you know I’ll tell everyone I know. Oh, did you ever hear from anyone else? I let everyone know where to write to, so I’m hoping they are writing as well. Hope to hear from you soon!

Love,

Liana

9/19/12

Dear Liana,

I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last reply. The sargents are really overworking us. My platoon got in trouble because one of the guys decided to talk back to the drill instructor. As you can imagine, we’ve been put through hell for that one. When one guy screws up, we all suffer for it. We had to go out to what they called the beach. It’s basically just a huge sandbox and they make us do PT in it. Do you know how hard it is to do anything in the sand? So not only is it sweltering during the day, but we’re sweating our asses off out on this beach. But any way, yeah, things are tough here but only a little longer until my graduation. You should definitely come, by the way. I know you’re in school, so it’s a long shot, but it’d be nice to see you there. My platoon always makes fun of me because I told them that you were my best friend and they think it’s weird. I’d just like them to meet you. Anyway, I’ve gotta go. We’re due for more PT. Hopefully I survive.

From,

Andrew

P.S No, no one else has written to me aside from my family members. You’re the only friend who’s cared enough to keep writing.

9/23/12

Dear Andrew,

I kinda figured something was going on. I’m sorry that you’re being worked so hard, especially when you didn’t do anything to deserve it. I hope that they take it easy on you soon. I hope your friends didn’t give you too hard of a time. I’m not surprised that the guys gave you a hard time. They always gave us a hard time in high school, I’m sure it’s not different there. I feel really bad that none of our other friends have written to you. I swear that I gave everyone the address so that they could. I’ve even been asked about it. Brittany told me she was going to write to you. She even said all she had left to do was send it. How odd. In the meantime, just feel free to write whenever you can. As for your graduation, I’m not sure if I can take that much time off of school. I know your mom will tape it for me though. Either way, I’ll still be proud! Take care of yourself.

Love,

Liana

9/25/12

Dear Liana,

Things aren’t any better. We’re almost done though. Another two weeks and we’ll be out of this hell hole. I can’t wait to see you. Wish me luck when it’s time for the crucible.  That’s basically three straight days of simulated war. We only get a total of three hours of sleep and three M.R.Es. It’ll be tough, but I’m kinda looking forward to it. I’ve passed every other test they’ve thrown at me, so bring it on!

Oohrah!

Andrew

9/26/12

Dear Andrew,

Good luck during the crucible. It sounds awful, but I know you can do it! Still, I have to say it, be careful! I can’t wait to see you either! Only a little longer and you’ll be home.  This is probably the last letter you’ll probably get while you’re at boot camp, so I’ll see you soon. Stay safe during the crucible! Kick some ass!

Oohrah!

Liana

10/3/12

Dear Liana,

It was such a huge surprise to see that you made it to my boot camp graduation. I honestly didn’t expect to see you there. You should have stayed at school so you didn’t fall behind. I’m glad you were there though, even though you did cry when I saw you, haha. Oh, all my friends really liked you. Thanks for always supporting me. It sucks that I had to go right away, but I’m here on base in Florida now. Yeah, it sounds great, but it’s not a vacation. We’re stuck on base and it’s just ridiculously hot. I don’t think it would be so bad if it weren’t for the damn humidity. I wish I was at home. I miss it a lot. Well, thank you again for being a great friend.

Always,

Andrew

10/4/12

Dear Andrew,

Of course I was there! What kind of friend would I be if I missed your graduation? I was so proud and I still am. I liked your friends, too! They all seemed pretty cool. I hope you get to be with some of them while you’re on base.  I am sorry I cried so much though…it was just…a really overwhelming time.  Anyway, I hope that you’re doing alright in Florida. I know you’ll be just fine.  Don’t forget about me, alright?

Love,

Liana

10/10/12

Dear Liana,

I know you cried. I gave you hell for it, remember? Haha. I’m pretty unhappy about having to leave out again so early but you know how it goes in the Marine Corps. Hopefully we’ll have time to talk since they’re giving me back my electronics. School oughta be pretty interesting. I’ll let you know how it goes. I hope you’re alright. Promise to keep me updated on everything going on at home since it’ll be a while before I can finally come home.  Oh, just so you know, no one else ever wrote to me.  I don’t know why but I know that everyone has been trying to reach me now that I have a phone. It’s different. I’m not used to being the center of attention. I kind of like it. It makes me feel important. Well, I gotta go. Hope to hear from you soon.

From,

Andrew

10/12/12

Dear Andrew,

Yes, I know you did, but you don’t have much room to talk. You cried, too! You might as well admit it. Everyone saw it. Haha. You like this attention? I think it’s kinda superficial. None of those people cared before you were doing something important with your life. I guess, what I’m trying to say is; don’t forget about those of us who have always been there. Oh…just so you know, you were a hero to me before you became a hero to our country…I guess I should go. Talk to you soon.

Love,

Liana

10/18/12

Dear Liana,

Sorry about the late reply. I’ve been kinda busy here with schooling. It’s a lot to handle and any free time I have is spent going off base since we’re finally allowed to do that. I hope all is well at home. I know this is short, but like I said, I’m pretty busy. Oh, and the girls here are amazing. Maybe I’ll find me a good one.

From,

Andrew

10/19/12

Dear Andrew,

It’s alright, I’m just glad you’re doing okay. I hope you’re having a good time. The women…I’m sure they’re nice…but anyway, everything is fine at home. It’s mostly boring without you. I’m fairly certain this is the longest we’ve ever been apart since we first became friends years ago. I miss you a lot. It’s just not the same. Don’t forget about me while you’re there. Hopefully I’ll hear from you again soon.

Love,

Liana

10/25/12

Dear Liana,

Yeah, it’s definitely different not being home. I actually don’t much like it here. Being away is really taking its toll on me. Hopefully they’ll let me come home for Christmas. I miss my family. Talk to you soon.

From,

Andrew

11/2/12

Dear Andrew,

Everyone here misses you. You’re all your mother and brother talk about. I miss you too though, more than I can actually express to you. Ever since you left, it’s like something has been different for me. It’s like, now that I know what it’s like to be without you, I don’t ever want to be. What I’m really trying to say is, somewhere along the way, I fell for you. I didn’t intend for it to happen, but it did. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or for this to damage our friendship, but I felt that you had to know. I really hope I will hear from you soon.

Love,

Liana

12/3/12

Dear Andrew,

It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you. A month, I think. I hope that my confession didn’t scare you in anyway. I didn’t say it to freak you out. I just thought you should know. I hope that you’re okay. It’s been hell waiting for a reply. Please write soon!

Love,

Liana

1/6/13

Dear Andrew,

I guess you’re busy, so this is the last letter I’ll write for a while. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I hope that you’ll still want to see me whenever you come home. I do still miss you. I mean, you’re my best friend, after all. Well, I hope that you’re safe and that you’re doing well. I don’t really have much else to say so I guess I’ll go. Just be aware, I can’t change my feelings for you. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I never imagined feeling this way. I hope that our friendship is strong enough to overcome this and the distance between us. I love you. Just so you know.

Love,

Liana

1/26/13

Dear Liana,

I’m sorry it’s been so long. It’s been really busy around here. I have a lot of homework now that classes have started again. Then, when I’m not in classes, they make me do PT or clean. So I haven’t had a lot of time. I hope all is well at home. Oh, I should tell you, I have a girlfriend. She’s another Marine here on base. I think you’d like her. She’s a real nice girl.

From,

Andrew

1/29/13

Dear Andrew,

Are you serious? After the hell you put me through, that’s the only excuse you can come up with? You didn’t have one spare minute to write me a few sentences? You have no idea how much I cried over this. Now, to top it all off, you’re telling me you have a girlfriend? I can’t believe you. This wouldn’t have hurt half as much if you would have just told me to begin with. Thanks for breaking my heart.

From,

Liana

2/4/13

Dear Liana,

You don’t know how tough it is to keep up with all the shit they give me to do around here.  Any free time I had, I spent sleeping or with Cheyenne. She’s the girl I told you about. So don’t blame me for not having time. I was trying to just get through.

From,

Andrew

2/8/13

Dear Andrew,

So your free time was spent with this girl instead of taking two goddamn minutes to tell me what was going on. I really thought our friendship meant more to you than that. I can’t believe that this girl has taken priority over your best friend. I would never put a boyfriend over you. You are just the worst person in the world right now. You’ve hurt me more than any boyfriend ever could. So I hope you’re happy. I’ll make life easier for you and your new girlfriend. Don’t bother trying to keep up with me. I probably won’t respond.

From,

Liana

2/10/13

Dear Liana,

Look, I didn’t mean that you aren’t important. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to find a woman who loves me. I’ve been looking for a long time. Now, I’m just trying hard to keep her and myself happy as well as trying to keep up with everything the Marine Corps demands of me.  So don’t be mad at me forever.  I’m only trying to make it through.

From,

Andrew

2/25/13

Dear Liana,

I know you’re mad at me but please respond. You’re still the only person who really keeps in contact from home. You’re my best friend. We’re supposed to be able to overcome whatever comes our way. Things aren’t any better around here but I’m trying to find the time to write to you as often as I can. It’s not easy with all the things I have going on, but hopefully everything will be alright with us. I hope to hear from you soon.

From,

Andrew

3/18/13

Dear Liana,

It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you.  I just thought you should know that Cheyenne left me. It’s killing me. I thought I found it this time, but I guess I was wrong. I could really use a friend to get me through this hard time. So, please respond soon. I’ll be waiting for your letter.

Love,

Andrew

3/22/13

Dear Andrew,

I could have used a friend too. I could have used a friend who was honest with me from the beginning; a friend who wouldn’t make some woman his only priority. Don’t tell me you need a friend. I was always there, and I worked my ass to try and keep you happy. You were the one who decided your life sucked and it was all about other people feeling bad for you. I tried, and you didn’t care. So it looks like you’re on your own now.  You missed out on a great opportunity.

From,

Liana

3/28/13

Dear Liana,

You’re blaming this whole thing on me? I didn’t want everything to go bad, but it did. It wasn’t my fault. You’re supposed to be there no matter what. Why would you desert me now when I need you the most? All I want is my best friend back. I don’t want to fight about it. I just want everything back to the way it used to be. Can we do that? Please?

From,

Andrew

4/3/13

Dear Andrew,

Yes, I am blaming this all on you. I was there. I was always there, even when every other person thought you were a complete asshole. I’m starting to believe they were right. You’re so self-absorbed that you can’t even admit that you are the one who is wrong here. You didn’t seem to care if I was there before everything went wrong, so why should I be there when it’s convenient for you? You’re not the only one with feelings. You’ve hurt mine too many times. I’m not going to be your “plan B”. Someday you’ll realize just how wrong you’ve been this whole time and you’ll miss me.

-Liana

4/8/13

Dear Liana,

I can’t believe you think that this is my fault. If you had just left well enough alone, we would have been fine.  I didn’t do anything to you except hope that you would be the best friend you have always claimed to be. It’s not fair for you to put all of this on me with all the shit that I’m going through. Life hasn’t been easy for me and you know that. I just want to get through this. Can you even be the friend that you say you are? Right now, I don’t think so.

-Andrew

4/13/13

Dear Andrew,

You know what? I don’t care anymore. You’ve proven to me that you’ve never cared. I have done nothing but work my ass off to make sure you were happy. I’m not going to keep putting myself through this. You have hurt me too many times. I’m done with all of this. Ever since you left the second time, you’ve been nothing but an asshole. You’re not even the same person anymore. I guess the Marine Corps didn’t make you a man; it made you an asshole. So go do whatever it is that you have to do but don’t expect me to be there when you fall on your ass.

-Liana

4/18/13

Dear Liana,

Well, that’s fine then. I really don’t care anymore either. I didn’t do anything wrong. Clearly if you think this is entirely my fault, then you aren’t the friend you claimed to be either. All I wanted was to get through this with little to know drama but you couldn’t let that happen.  So thanks a lot for making my life that much worse. I’ll be doing just fine without you. At least now I won’t have to deal with all the bullshit you have been putting me through. Thanks for nothing.

-Andrew

4/22/13

Dear Andrew,

Thanks for nothing? Seriously? All I’ve ever done is take care of you in the best way I knew how. I cared…I even loved you. I say loved because I love the person you used to be. It’s fine if you don’t want me in your life. It’s not me who needs you, you need me. You don’t know it now, but someday you will. By then, it’ll be too late. I’m through putting myself through all the hurt.  As of now, this is the last later I will write to you.  Respond if you must, but don’t expect anything from me.

-Liana

9/12/13

Dear Andrew,

I still can’t believe that you’re gone. When I got that phone call from your mom…I went numb. It’s been 3 months and I still can’t stop crying. I feel so guilty about the things I said. I wish I had had the chance to tell you I’m sorry and that I love you. You were everything to me. You were my best friend and my hero. What am I going to do without you? I know you’ll never see this but I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that our last words were so hateful. I just wanted you know how much it hurt…but this hurts so much worse. I’m sorry…

All of my love,

Liana

2/7/14

Dear Andrew,

I thought you should know that I met someone. He’s wonderful. His name is Darren. He kind of reminds me of you, in some ways. I think that you’d like him. I do want you to know that even with this man in my life, I’ll never forget about you and what you mean to me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.  The guilt of our heated words is with me every single day. I don’t know how I get by. I hope you know just how much I miss you.

Love,

Liana

5/6/14

Dear Andrew,

Today was a hard day. I cried for most of it. I just feel so guilty. I said all of those awful things and I can never take them back. I lost my best friend, how do I move on? Yes, Darren is doing his best to help me get through, but I still hurt. I needed you. I still do. I never wanted to say those awful things. Somewhere along the way, I think you lost yourself and it hurt so badly to lose you that way. This way…it’s far worse than anything I could have imagined. I just want you to know how sorry I am. I love you so much. Where ever you are, I hope that you’re okay now.

Love,

Liana

1/17/15

Dear Andrew,

I just thought you should know that Darren proposed to me and I said yes. He took me to the spot we first met and did it right there in front of everyone. I cried and accepted. I wish you had been there to see it. He makes me happy and though the pain of losing you will never go away, he’s keeping all the pieces of me together. He makes it easier to get through the days. I really do love him. I wish you could be there for my wedding. We even set a date. We’ll be married July 14 of next year. Anyway, I just wanted to share my joy with you.

Love,

Liana

7/15/16

Dear Andrew,

Yesterday I married Darren. It was a beautiful ceremony. We had an outdoor wedding, just like I always wanted. I wore a big white dress (You probably would have hated it, haha) and my bridesmaids wore a very light shade of purple. Everything was perfect….well, almost everything. Just one thing was missing; you. I just wish you had been there as one our best men. I know that you would have done it. I still miss you every day. Life is getting better, though it’ll never be the same without you.

Love,
Liana

12/5/16

Dear Andrew,

I just found out that I’m pregnant! It’s exciting and scary. I’m about 3 weeks along now. We don’t know the sex of the baby, but I asked Darren and he’s agreed that if it’s a boy, we’re going to honor your memory and name it after you. We decided on Andrew Alexander. I hope you like it as much as I do. If you were here, I would have made you his godfather. We haven’t thought of a name for a girl yet, but I wanted you to know that if I do have a boy, I will keep your memory alive. I asked you mom for permission as well. She cried and gave me her consent. I miss you. And I love you.

Love,

Liana

3/10/17

Dear Andrew,

I’m having twins! I can hardly believe it. We decided that our boy will still be named after you and our girl will be named Eden Skye. I can’t tell you how happy I am to be bringing life into this world…into my world again. With that said, this will be the last letter I write to you. I will never forget you and I will always love you. Now that I’m going to be a mom, I need to put the past behind me and be the best mother I can. The letters have helped me move on and I think it’s time to stop. I know you’re with me everywhere I go, not just within these letters. Thank you for being such a huge part of my life. My son will be a living memory of you. You will never be forgotten. You’ll always be in my heart. I love you.

Love,

Liana